Sadness

Sitting with my grandmother discussing the deteriorating health of my grandfather who is now in the hospital awaiting his death. Crying I listen to her tell me how he has begun to hallucinate. She said they were talking and suddenly he gasped and perked up, told her he saw a chicken and she better get the chainsaw because they need to eat it for supper. Then I was laughing and crying.

Seeing a disease bring such an amazing man down to nothing, causing pain, not letting him go, so heart breaking. I never know what to say, cannot hide my tears. All I can ever get out is that I love him. Saying good bye 'for the last time' over and over. The end is near and he will soon be free.

Spending only a few short moments with him so close to the end is hard. Now I regret leaving and wish I could just sit with him. Miss his laugh.