Monday, May 7, 2012

It might not be ok...

I keep hearing everything from 'you're fine' to 'that's normal'. Yes there is a slip chance of 1% that a lump on the neck is something bad but, I bet everyone told that 1% the same thing. "You're fine, oh that's normal." Well for that 1% they weren't fine and no it wasn't normal.

I am not at all saying I am the 1%, just justification that there is a chance. Justification does not mean I will worry more, I won't become depressed, sit and mope, cry about it (anymore). It's just the validation that it CAN be something bad, instead of always discounting that possibility. That I am not insane worrying and I'm tired of everyone telling me that everything is fine. Not one person has said yes it can be something and if it is we'll work through it. I realize everyone is being reassuring and comforting because they care about me and don't want me to worry, but I feel so alone and like I have no one to talk to. I am taking everything as it comes, all in stride and if it is something bad I can't sit there dumbfounded and say "But everyone said I'd be fine." I'd rather absorb that possibility and that it is now reality and move forward. And if it is nothing I will jump for joy, cry in the sun and walk around...hugging trees or something.

The bottom line is I am happy to be alive and healthy now. I am making changes in my life to live better, healthier and with fewer regrets. I will continue moving forward, whatever that direction will be...but in reality there are 2 roads and we shall see which one is on my map.

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