Friday, March 7, 2008

The 'what ifs' can haunt you...

Have you ever met someone, and wondered what would have happened if you would have met them at another time or under different circumstances? How would your relationship be, how would it have progressed? Where would you have met, doing what and would you have even hit it off if the cards were different?

I speak of this in terms of friendships, relationships, flings, infatuations and love. Under all these categ
ories I've wondered. I have met people through work, had amazing conversations and though, if I met you in a total different environment, would we have ended up being good friends? Or would we walk by each other and never notice. That girl that sat and told me stories that made me want to listen to her all day, would be be sitting in a coffee shop sharing our lives? Now and then I meet someone who catches me, completely throws me off course. Someone who has every aspect on my list of attractions (including for friendships) that I am taken aback. And the more I talk to them, the more they read from my list. I cannot help but wonder, what if. I wonder if it would have worked, or if it was too much, or if it would even last. What if we lived in the same city, met 5 years ago, or did not have this age gap between us.
Five years ago, if you would have asked me where I would be at this age, I would have never guessed in a million years I would be here, right now. My life turned out nothing like I had expected...and I guess that is normal, I do not know. People don't usually talk about what they had hoped and dreamed, they talk about the now and what they hate or love right now. So if life was completely different I wonder who I would have met to shape my life. Every single person has had an impact on who I am today. And those few people out there that caught my attention, that made me think what if, would I have even crossed their path if life was completely different? If not...why am I meeting them now? Infatuation comes easily to me, with music, lifestyles, fashions and of course people. Curiosity and the need for something different pushes me to pursue those people that get in my head and are stuck there, make my heart race.

So why am I always stuck, with this situation, of wondering what if? It haunts me, invades my dreams and my days. Maybe in another life, or this life. But for now, get out of my head. What is, is. We move on and I will continue to pay attention to those that have captured it and enjoy their company in all the ways that I can. And maybe next time we cross, things will be different.

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